“Dear God, please help mommy not to get so mad…”
The first time I heard this prayer, it broke my heart. As it did every other time after that. That was my son. He was praying about me, and rightfully so.
Angry. Out of control. Control freak.
Those words best describe how I lived and behaved most of my life. However, nothing intensified those emotions more than motherhood.
Upon becoming a mom, I loved deeper than I ever knew possible. I was also more unsure of myself than ever before and angrier than I ever imagined.
I took out all my emotions, the good, the bad and the ugly, on my boys and Brad.
Yelling. Belittling. Spanking out of anger. Saying hurtful, just terrible things to my hubby that would have caused any other spouse to pack it up and run away.
I was an incredibly unhappy person. And my unhappiness was toxic. I didn’t know how to handle the overwhelm that consumed me all the time.
My head and heart felt conflicted. I yelled at the people I loved most. I tried to control their every move, their behaviors. Not because I necessarily wanted to. But because I didn’t know how to control myself, I thought that in controlling everything around me, I could be happy.
As you can imagine, that didn’t work.
The emotional cycle between anger and guilt spun so fast it felt like I had been sucked into a cyclone. And I couldn’t get out. I didn’t know how to get out.
So how did I find freedom from the storm? What is the secret to breaking free of anger?
I found the underlying cause to what was causing me to be angry.
It wasn’t easy. Heck, it wasn’t even intentional. And it came with a lot of pushback… from my pride.
My anger was an indication of anxiety. Anxiety that I didn’t even know I had and that contained a trigger list five miles long.
The more I was triggered, the more out of control I felt. The more out of control I felt, the more stressed I became. The more stress I encountered, the more irritated and short-tempered I became until just like a lit fuse headed for stick of dynamite… an explosion was inevitable.
Until I realized it didn’t have to be.
I didn’t have to live with anger. I didn’t have to inhabit a place of unhappiness and wallow in the anguish my anxiety was causing.
It wasn’t an overnight transformation. I will always be a work in progress. But it was a remarkable enough change that it shifted the direction of my life and repaired strained relationships with my family.
Friend, this is my story. But I assume if you’re reading this, you may be encountering similar struggles with anger, anxiety and overwhelm. Let me tell you that you don’t have to. You can make the choice today to progress forward from a life of anger, guilt and stress.
I have been where you are and I feel your pain. I can help you break free from the emotional bondage that has been holding you back from the life you were designed to live. I don’t want you to just get through your days. I want you to radiate joy and love the life you’re living.